Gratitude Where You’d Least Expect It

 

I wish to thank a handful of family members whose behavior toward my presence in their lives pushed me to step out and move on with my own. Had I been accepted in the role I wholeheartedly embraced in my new family, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

 

Overt venom and covert toxic darts caused great suffering. The resulting illness crippled me for a time and forced me to examine honestly a life I was tolerating. It was clear that I was not where I belonged.

 

I felt I had so much to give.  My own history heightened sensitivity to the plight of others. I wondered for so long why what I offered was rejected with such disregard.

 

No matter. I now know why. The gifts are meant for others.

 

I could still be enmeshed in the battle of egos that carries on through family gatherings. I could remain weighted down by the endless drama of self-induced troubles enumerated ad nausea. I could be enduring the self-absorbed personalities and sense of entitlement that is so far afield from reality.

 

No longer.

 

Like one cannot fully appreciate the feeling of warmth had they not felt the cold, or fully appreciate the feeling of joy had they not felt sorrow, I know the feeling of belonging because I have felt so keenly a place where once I did not.

 

At times my heart feels heavy for the loss of the dream, but I will process through it.

 

For the most part, my heart is full and joyous.  I have so much for which to be grateful. 

 

Sending all my love this Thanksgiving to my family and friends: they have no doubt who they are and where they belong. 

 

           Thanksgiving 2012